I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

- Oscar Wilde

About Me

I hate slow drivers, screaming babies, and parents who don’t make an attempt to do anything about it.  People who use their religion as a pulpit for discrimination, hatred, and bigotry make me want to tear the wings off of beautiful butterflies and feed them to a pack of sweet little fuzzy baby puppies right before I rip all of their heads off with my bare hands and admit myself into a psych ward.  That goes for you idiots who believe in “The Rapture” too.

I hold true intelligence and irreverent humor in the highest regard and refuse to allow people in to my life without a healthy serving of the two.  I believe in unicorns, woodland fairies, and the Yeti, mainly as a coping mechanism to deal with the grandiose illusions that most people hold as truths, but also because I’m a firm believer that there is no magic in life without your imagination.

Was I Dropped On My Head As a Baby?

The short answer to that is…probably.  I was born and raised in a little podunk town called Auberry (population 7-0) and I’m fairly certain it has left me irreversibly brain damaged.  I can’t quite say if it was the mentality of the people I spent the first 17 years of my life with, or if it was the relentless oppression of living in a small town, but I’ve always had a macabre case of internal hives upon entry.  All I can say is that I’m thankful that I left that town with all of my teeth in tact and that I didn’t have three bastard children suckling off of my teats by the ripe old age of 14.  I’ve always considered myself a modern day miracle.

Occasional Musings

I don’t understand selfie sticks. No wait, that’s not right. I DO understand them. They’re meant to take pictures of yourself doing stupid shit, giving other people the illusion that you didn’t take the picture yourself, except for everybody fucking knows that you took the goddamn picture yourself using you’re fucking selfie stick. You’re fooling exactly ZERO people.

I guess what I REALLY don’t understand is why you would buy one and/or use one. No wait, I understand that too. Everyone else has one so why not you? LEMMING. I guess what I’m not getting is why you would want to out yourself as the narcissistic and/or sociopathic dick wad that you really are. Wouldn’t you want to try to hide that?

We go around hiding shit that we don’t want other people to see all the time. Women wear makeup to cover up bad skin or to make themselves look better than they really do. Men grow out their beards, throw on a wooley hat, and a plaid shirt and call themselves “hipsters” to hide the fact that they have NO idea who they really are. And these are things that are MUCH less offensive than an actual mental disorder.

I think you guys are doing mental disorders wrong.







I will never rest until shows like The Big Bang Theory are completely eradicated from the public eye. Learn More

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